Who is the judge?

I remember my initial call with my longtime coach, Nicole. It was twelve years ago when I worked for a public health non-profit. I had just finished my coach training and desperately wanted to leave my job and coach full time. I burst into tears when she asked me what would happen if I didn’t make any changes.

We met in person shortly thereafter. It was a beautiful July day. We sat on a park bench overlooking the Hudson River. Now, I seek her support sporadically and have a session almost always at this time of year. Having someone witness and reflect my long term trajectory, is a tremendous gift. We met again recently (by phone) and I was surprised at what came up.

My inner judge was screaming loudly and it was everywhere! Criticizing everything from how I run WILL to my wavering on a decision.

Nicole reminded me to avoid “Why” questions.

“How come?” you might ask. (Notice, I didn’t say why.)

Asking “Why?” tends to put people on the defensive. To feel judged.

With her help, I explored questions that were more neutral – that started with “How come…?” and “What else might be true?

Of course, I do this all the time for WILL members! It was wonderful to have it done for me.

Now I’ve recommitted to keep a keen eye out for my inner judge.

The decision I was waffling about was participating in the Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within event that I wrote about last week. I have many reasons that I want to do it and many reasons that I don’t.

Does it mean I’m not taking 100% responsibility if I don’t go?

No. I already invest a lot of time, money and energy in my own personal development.

Right now it just feels like too much. 

Can you relate to that?

With my inner judge quieted, I can get quiet, listen to my knowing, and give myself permission to change my mind.

Not that you need permission… and yet maybe you need the reminder…  that you get to change your mind too.

The decisions you made last week, last year, or when you applied to law school are decisions you made THEN.

They put you on the trajectory towards the life you are living now.

If you’re not enjoying that, you CAN change your mind.

Be on the lookout for your inner judge. What is it saying?

And if you can, turn down the volume on that and ask yourself this… What else might be true?

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