Clients tell me that firm leaders have little to no understanding of the new reality of women lawyers.
You try to school kids from home, not kill your spouse who is co-working and afraid too, the dishes pile up, too much screen time and be sure to stay six feet apart from all other humans when out for a walk or in the store.
There’s a lot to be upset about right now.
Yet firms comes from their usual fear-based place so it is “business as usual” and “keep up the billing” with a subtle undercurrent of “you better be good and prove your worth.”
As one WILL member said this week, “They prey on our diligence. Our being good girls.”
Let’s name what’s happening. Nerves are frayed. Couples and families argue. Doors slam. Fear turns into anger.
Anger is the second stage in the phases of grief. The first being shock & disbelief. I believe collectively as a society we are moving into “anger”. Your reactions are completely normal and healthy.
“No sane person feels good during a global disaster, so be grateful for the discomfort of your sanity.” – Aisha Ahmad
Whatever you are feeling is okay. ALLOW yourself the grief, anxiety, rage and fear. Let it wash over you.
If you’ve never experienced grief before, what I can tell you is this – it comes in waves. It crashes over you.
You have two choices… stand up rigid and brace yourself, or dive under (as you do when swimming in the ocean). The surrender keeps you safe, and pulls you back up.
If you are afraid your feelings will consume you, that’s normal too. I invite you to try. Make a choice to surrender and feel the feelings…
- Lay down on the floor and cry.
- Punch, then scream into a pillow.
- Stomp or run it out with loud angry music.
Doing this or whatever else that feels good (and doesn’t harm yourself or another living being) helps it pass. Crawl back into bed and pull up the covers. Take time to retreat and cocoon.
And please – consider taking PTO or sick days. Use your vacation time. Tell the firm you can’t do so much. Stop being the good girl.
You are worth far more.
My intention is to listen to women lawyers and explore if WILL could help ground you and plan for what you want to create next. Click here to find a time.
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